She Praises Jesus Anyway

Exorcism Rite
Costs Woman
Her Eyesight
by Chuck Shepherd
sources: Dallas Morning News, Shreveport Times

March 14, 1994

Elementary school teacher Myra Obasi, 29, of Shreveport, Louisiana, was brought, bleeding from the eyes, to Parkland Memorial Hospital in Dallas by her two sisters, who eventually were charged with having gouged out Obasi's eyes with their fingers because they thought she was possessed by the spirit of her father. Detectives were unable to question Obasi for several hours because she refused to stop chanting, "Thank you, Jesus."

Graphic Rule

That Evil Barney the Dinosaur!

Love and Cooperation
are "Tools of Satan"
by Chuck Shepherd
source: Columbus Guardian

September 29, 1993

Baptist Rev. Charles Mainous, Pastor Tom Coffman, and other Columbus, Ohio, area ministers, issued a warning about Rev. Billy Graham, who Coffman said is "helping the anti-Christ" by bringing various religions together.

Graphic Rule

The Plague of Stupidity Continues:
by Chuck Shepherd

November, 1993

Radio evangelist Rev. Joseph R. Chambers of Charlotte, North Carolina, issued a four-state warning that Barney, the TV dinosaur, is a tool of satan because he teaches kids to love others in spite of their differences.

Graphic Rule

Proof That Barney Is Actually Satan

Given: Barney is a cute purple dinosaur.

Extract the Roman numerals:
(and remember that the Romans had no letter 'U':
   they used the 'V' instead)


    CVTE PVRPLE DINOSAVR
    CV    V  L  DI    V 

    Add them: 

    100 + 5 + 5 + 50 + 500 + 1 + 5 = 666 


Q. E. D.  We suspected it all along.

I guess the church lady was right after all!
(source unknown) 

Graphic Rule

Baptist Men's Shootout
by Conrad Goeringer

Sponsored by Brotherhood Department
of the Baptist State Board of Missions

August 10, 1996

We've heard of gun totin', bible-quotin' Armageddon militia warriors, and even bomb-building Muslim fanatics from afar, but this wins the prize. How about Baptist hatchet throwers? Seems that in two weeks, Baptists from across Alabama will be gathering in Lowndes County for the annual Baptist Men's Shootout, sponsored by an outfit known as the Brotherhood Department of the Baptist State Board of Missions. The Birmingham Post Herald tells us that the competition includes "scoped and unscoped high power rifle; archery, knife and hatchet throwing; slingshot; scoped and unscoped .22 caliber rifle; and skeet."

There's a barbecue chicken lunch, too.

We have nothing against a good outing, of course, and this editor has certainly fired his share of ammo out of a variety of guns -- usually a bit wide of the target. But this announcement should make us grateful for political instruments like the First Amendment. If there's one thing that has an ominous ring to it, it is the very notion of a Baptist hatchet thrower.

Graphic Rule

Coon Hunt for Christ
by Cliff Walker
from various reports

March 2, 1995

People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) says: "Grrrs to the Union Hill Cumberland Presbyterian Church in Alabama for holding a 'Coon Hunt for Christ' to raise money." During the hunt, raccoons are released, chased up trees by dogs, and then shot. Reverend Charles Hood says, "The coon hunt is a way to spread the word of God, to talk about Jesus Christ." He's planning another coon hunt festival for February 1996.

Perhaps underestimating the arrogance of theists -- especially theists who would hold a "Coon Hunt For Christ" -- PETA, in its "Holiday 1995 Catalog," publishes this plea: "Please write to Rev. Hood at 6535 Bailey Rd., Anderson, AL 35610 U.S.A., urging him to show compassion toward all living beings."

Graphic Rule

City Folks Just
Don't Understand

Catholic Pig-Wrestling
Event Cancelled
by Chuck Shepherd
source: Independence Examiner

July 1, 1995

The pig wrestling event at the annual St. Patrick Catholic Church Roundup in Stephensville, Wisconsin, was canceled because of complaints that the pigs squealed too much.

Said a Church spokesperson, "Some city folks come out here and ... don't understand."

Graphic Rule

Naked Communion
Naked Karaoke

Christian Nudist Conference
by Chuck Shepherd
source: Los Angeles Times, AP

March 3, 1996

Forty people attended the first Christian Nudist Conference in Longwood, North Carolina, where both robed and unrobed ministers distributed communion and naked karaoke was the featured distraction.

Graphic Rule

Hell's Angels?
Heaven's Devils?

Christian Bikers
"Run for the Son"
by Chuck Shepherd
source: Sedalia Democrat

June 25, 1993

The 40,000-member Christian Motorcyclists Association held its annual national fund-raiser, "Run for the Son," in Sedalia, Missouri. CMA's purpose, said an organizer, is to ride "the highways and byways to promote the gospel of Jesus Christ."

Graphic Rule

"Christian Woodstock"
Rock Festival

Christian Punk Rock,
Heavy Metal "Not Satanic"
by Chuck Shepherd

June 28, 1993

The weekend-long "Christian Woodstock" rock music festival, "Creation '93," was held near Mount Union, Pennsylvania. It featured a "fringe stage" for punk-like bands, which, wrote an Associated Press reporter in the New Haven Register, sounded like mainstream punk rock but, according to lyrics sheets, made clear Biblical references.

The Austin American-Statesman profiled local Christian rock concert organizer Blanche Pall, who promotes heavy-metal acts like Mortification and constantly argues with ministers over whether the music is satanic.

Graphic Rule

14 Hat Vendors

A Fancy Hat Sacrament
by Chuck Shepherd
source: Morgantown Dominion Post, AP

August 12, 1993

Delegates to the national convention of the Church of Our Lord Jesus Christ of the Apostolic Faith in Charleston, West Virginia, celebrated by wearing stylish hats, as socialites do at events such as the Kentucky Derby.

Said one delegate, "We glorify God when we wear hats."

Many delegates brought hat wardrobes with them, and fourteen hat vendors set up booths at the convention.

Graphic Rule

Born Again -- Diapers and All
by Conrad Goeringer
from AANEWS by American Atheists

August 30, 1996

No off-the-shelf psychoanalysis is necessary for this story.

We know, of course, that Christian fundamentalists and evangelicals like to immerse themselves in tubs of water to show that they have been "born again." But diapers?

According to our friends with the Atheist Foundation of Australia, earlier this year four grown men were arrested for handing out religious pamphlets outside of the Sydney Royal Easter Show. The men were dressed in diapers, and were born-again members of a group called "the Children of God." (We don't know if this is the same "Children of God" once headed by "Moses David," a man known for his ability to mix Bible verse with salacious suggestions to willing followers).

The diaper-wearers ranged in age from 25 to 35; they could not wear the diapers during the court appearance, since the safety pins which tenuously secured these garments were considered dangerous inside the lock-up.

Graphic Rule

Sect Forbids Pre-Marital Sex

Autoeroticism
by Cliff Walker
from various sources

December 7, 1992

In a 1992 issue of Sexual and Marital Therapy journal, two therapists described "orgasmic reconditioning" they performed on their patient, George, age 20. George is a member of a religious sect that forbids sexual involvement with women before marriage developed a relationship with the family car.

They reported "partial" success in getting George to switch his masturbatory stimuli from the family car, an Austin Metro, to photographs of naked women.

George had reported arousal previously only when sitting in the car or when squatting behind it while the engine was running. He also kept photos of the car in his room. (Before that, George was sexually preoccupied with urination by dogs, children, and women.) He eventually developed a greater interest in women, but his first love remains the car.

Graphic Rule

Masturbation Is
Against His Religion

Child Molester Refuses
Court-Ordered Therapy
by Chuck Shepherd
source: USA Today

May 25, 1994

Jams Von Arx, 41, who had been on probation for child molestation in Wausau, Wisconsin, was jailed after he refused court-ordered sex therapy designed to induce interest in adult erotic images.

He argued that such therapy is unconstitutional because it requires him to masturbate, which is against his religion.

Graphic Rule

Family Values From Hell

A Pastor, a Missionary,
and their Children ...
by Chuck Shepherd
sources: San Francisco Examiner, Los Angeles Daily News

December 26, 1993

In Oxnard, California, Dale Chester, 22, was sentenced to three years in prison for raping the pregnant girlfriend of his brother Ruben. Dale's brothers Leonard, 32, and Samuel, 29, are serving long prison terms for the violent rapes of five women in separate incidents, and Ruben, 24, is serving time for robbery and assault.

Their father is a local pastor and their mother a Christian missionary, and police and prosecutors say there is no evidence of the childhood abuse that typically portends such adult violence.

Graphic Rule

I Don't Think So...

A Pastor and his Wife...
by Chuck Shepherd
source: Pittsburgh Post-Gazette

October 15, 1994

According to doctors in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, in June, Sherri Lynn Rossi was hit in the head more than 20 times with a blunt object and left covered in blood and in a coma on the side of a road. When she came out of the coma, she identified her attacker as her husband, Richard A. Rossi, Jr., pastor of the local, independent, charismatic First Love Church, telling police that Rev. Rossi had alighted from his own car, "started acting weird," taken the wheel of her car with her inside, driven to a rural area, and beat her. Rev. Rossi immediately denied the charge, insisting that the hijacker must have been a man who looked like him and had a car like his, and that it was "very possible, oh, yes" that his wife's attacker was satan in human form.

In October, Sherri Lynn Rossi abruptly withdrew her accusation, said she was looking forward to resuming their family life, and concurred that her attacker might have been a demon in human form.

Graphic Rule

Jesus Causes
"Great Change"

Christian Convert
"Really and Truly Sorry"
by Chuck Shepherd
source: Winston-Salem Journal

March 7, 1994

To help cleanse himself from a 1993 vandalism episode, Robert D. Pollard Jr. wrote his community an "apology from the heart," published in the Winston-Salem (North Carolina) Journal.

Writing that he was "really and truly sorry," he went on for several paragraphs about the "great change" in his life because of Jesus, who "has really shown me that he is the only way out."

The Journal published the letter on March 7, 1994. Elsewhere in that edition was a news story reporting that police had charged Pollard on March 6 with punching his wife in the face with his fist.

Graphic Rule

Contains Mostly Bible Text

Oklahoma Police Denounce
"God's Insurance Policy"
by Chuck Shepherd
source: The Daily Oklahoman

February 5, 1994

In January and February, Oklahoma City police turned up several motorists who had purchased automobile liability insurance coverage under "God's Insurance Policy." The salesmen had convinced the customers that such coverage would comply with Oklahoma's mandatory-insurance law, even though the $285 policy contained mostly text from the Bible, stated that it was "issued by the Father, Son and the Holy Ghost," and reasoned that since it was "fear" that caused accidents, the policy would protect its purchasers even better than commercial insurance would.

Graphic Rule