Cliff, Your organization sounds like something I truly need. AA groups scare me. I guess because someone will find out who I really am! How do I find help in my area?
Call our co-founder Lois Trimpey in Lotus, CA at (916) 621-2667
for info on RR. Their mailing address is Box 800, Lotus, CA 95651. You
may also have some luck e-mailing them at rr@rational.org,
but I'd call during business hours. You can also visit theier WEB Center
at http://www.rational.org/recovery.
AA scares us, too. That's why the Trimpeys started RR: for people who have
a problem with the religious undertones (and a lot of other 12-step-group
undertones).
RR teaches that, chances are, you don't really need any help quitting alcohol.
So don't sweat it if you cannot find a group in your area. Regardless of
whether you lock yourself up in one of those fancy, snappy, five-figure,
28-day "spin-dry" programs of the ex-First-Lady
variety, or calmly decide in your own mind that you've had enough, one
thing is for sure: You are the one who will end up doing all the work.
All of it.
Remember this.
Everyone who ever quit drinking (or smoking or shooting heroin or smoking
crack or whatever) did all the work. Many people, for religious
reasons, give the credit to a god or some other supernatural figure, but
the truth is that he or she did the work.
All I or anyone else can do for you is show you a few things. We can also
let some of our enthusiasm for recovery and sobriety rub off on you, but
that's about it. You do the rest yourself.
My Rational Recovery Self-Help Meetings
flyer lists several good books. I recommend starting out with The Final
Fix by Jack Trimpey; it shouold be in the stores by September of 1996or
you can order it from Rational Recovery. Our other book, "The Small
Book," is available in paperback almost everywhere.
Cliff, I have never asked for help before about my alcohol problem. I know I have a big problem but have managed to hide it from friends, employers and family. I have never been able to talk to anyone about this.
It sounds like you need (1) to overcome the stigma of having a problem with alcohol and (2) to learn to demystify the alcohol problem itself. I never use the words "alcoholism" or "alcoholic" -- they only serve to make the problem appear much bigger and more insurmountable than it really is. An addiction is not magical -- and neither is the solution.
For the stigma, re-read the "Unconditional Self-Acceptance"
section of the Rational Recovery Self-Help Meetings flyer.
"The Small Book" dedicates a large fraction of its pages to dealing
with the stigma and with how to put this phase in your past -- where it
belongs. Truth is, though, the AA and NA members have been very busy for
the past 50 years working on the stigma problem all substance abusers face
in society. In fact, some of us think they've gone too far, and there is
somewhat of a backlash. I personally don't think the stigma is any worse
now than it was when AA was being formed.
The most important aspect of the stigma is what you think about
your problem. Period. That's why we encourage people to stop using the
words "alcoholic" and "alcoholism." Even though only
certain people lose control of their drinking, most of us seriously doubt
it's a bona fide disease. It doesn't matter: If it's a disease,
you'd better quit; if it isn't, you'd still better quit. The solution is
still the same. Quit. And don't go thinking you'll be walking down
the street and suddenly get "struck loaded." It doesn't work
that way.
Now, say to yourself, "My value as a human being is based entirely
on the fact that I exist; loving myself feels much better and is more fun
than thinking that I'm a no-good schmuck."
Cliff, I am out of control. Is there an ongoing forum for people who are actively conquering this horrible thing? I know I have a big problem. I am sick of myself and my lack of control. Thanks for any help you may have.
Alcoholics Anonymous and its allies have spent decades presenting AA's
official understanding of the alcohol problem to the public -- but you
need to go to an AA meeting to hear their "solution." AA talks
big to the public about the problem but the public knows (and cares) very
little about its "solution."
And AA knows this.
You seem to have mastered the "problem" half of the AA's game
plan: the "powerlessness" yarn. "Alcoholics," they
tell us, are out of control -- so much so that they cannot begin to grope
their way out of this quagmire without a very special kind of "help."
The AA recovery program is quite simple. Elements of the Christian conversion
experience are employed to induce what AA calls "vital spiritual experiences"
or "huge emotional displacements" -- an idea derived from the
experiments of Carl Jung on an early AA member. A prospect is confronted
with the possibility that he or she is beyond hope, or "powerless."
This allegedly breaks down the subject's inner defenses so that new inner
strength can come forth At this point, AA stops being realistic.
Though it may seem drastic, this technique works in many severe cases.
Thousands of AA and NA members are clean and sober today. More often than
not, however, this plan backfires; many addicts readily accept the part
about being hopeless but reject the likelihood of magical help from above.
Here is where the Twelve Steps can do more harm than good: people walk
out more convinced than ever that they will never change. The cornerstone
of AA is the idea that no "alcoholic" can quit through sheer
willpower; those who do not accept this idea will not get anywhere in AA.
Rational Recovery rejects the "powerlessness" notion just like
we reject the idea of supernatural intervention. The two ideas go hand-in-hand;
you can't have one without the other. If you reject the "God part"
you'd better lose the "powerlessness" part as well, or you're
in big trouble. Trouble is, it's the "powerless" notion that
AA has successfully instilled on the mind set of the American public.
In one sense, we are similar (in my opinion): AA overstates the severity
of the problem in order to help break you down and reach toward the heavens
for help; RR, in a sense, oversimplifies (or demystifies) the problem so
as to instill enough confidence to get busy and do the work necessary to
recover.
Both programs work by altering your belief about your problem.
Rational Recovery teaches that the urge to drink (or use drugs) comes from
your appetite center, just like hunger, thirst, the sex drive, and the
need for oxygen. We teach that this appetite center is a simple, very primitive
part of your brain and that humans usually make decisions using the much
more complex brain functions. We use these complex functions to remember
past experiences -- the results of certain behavior, for example -- and
to predict, using logic, that repeating such behavior will likely result
in similar consequences.
Animals learn to avoid certain circumstances, too, but Pavlov (the "Pavlov's
Dog" experiment) demonstrated that much of an animal's "learning"
is actually "conditioned" into the subconscious; Animals seldom,
if ever, think abstractly -- logically, rationally -- like humans do.
RR's exercises get you to use these complex brain functions (abstract,
rational, logical) to make a decision about your drug or alcohol use. When
you spend time looking at your life and the role alcohol plays in your
life, and if it is clear that drugs and alcohol causing a great deal of
damage and that quitting will solve these problems, you are using complex
brain functions to make these conclusions.
I call this the self -- "the real You."
The complex brain functions, in their entirety, are where "you"
are assessing your situation and making your decisions.
The servile desires of the appetite center are only a very small aspect
of your brain power.
But sometimes the appetite center screams real loud (especially
when you're loaded or addicted). It is easy to confuse the messages from
your appetite center (not really "you") with the messages from
"the real you." Sometimes it seems as if "you" really
want that drink, but it's just your appetite center.
The appetite center is very simple-minded: It thinks only in terms
of, "Want food"; "Want water"; "Want sex";
"Start breathing"; "Gimme some drugs"; etc. It cannot
predict the consequences of certain actions (that's a complex brain function).
You cannot discuss or argue with it; it only wants one thing: drugs or
alcohol. Simply recognize that these are not your own ideas, but are reflexive
at best. If they seem like they are becoming too much for you, say (or
shout) "No!" and "Stop!" when those urges hit, and
rely on your previous decision to quit.
Meanwhile:
I hope this helps; e-mail
me if you have any more questions.
Cliff Walker