In Cliff's Cubs Hat
I will now attempt to prove that there is no invisible green leprechaun living in your Cubs hat.
First: How can your Leprechaun be both green and invisible? By definition, color is something seen and, also by definition, something invisible is something unseen. It would therefore seem to me that your claim is internally inconsistent.
Also, the size of a Leprechaun (as portrayed in the excellent, excellent movie Leprechaun) makes it impossible for it to live in your Cups cap. Unless of course you have a very, very large head. Judging for the pictures of you, your head seems to be of at least approximately average size provided that you in your entirety aren't 400 feet tall.
As my last piece of evidence I'd like to point out that real estate in Portland isn't too expensive hence the Leprechaun should be able to find his (her?) living quarters elsewhere. Also, Leprechauns, at least the ones I've met, are fanatic Yankee fan's and they can't stand the Cubs.
Thank you! My prize can be sent to the same address as you send your excellent publication.
From: "Positive Atheism Magazine" <email@example.com>
To: "Grahn, Johan"
Subject: Re: Positive_Atheism_Letters_Section
Date: Friday, September 22, 2000 10:04 AM
Ah, but you see, the leprechaun is campaigning for Ralph Nader! He's a member of the party affectionately known as the "green" party, but he's rather new at it (a bit "green" as they say in America!) and likewise a bit under the weather ("turning green" means about ready to vomit).
Naw, you got me! You are the only one to point out this deliberate logical impossibility that I've been presenting for about a year. I introduced the leprechaun into my Burden of Proof routine (because I love the word) in the beginning of 1999. He became "green" by about May of that year ("God Loves You Abusively"), and I immediately latched on to the invisible bit by June, which is the earliest I see the concept of the "invisible green leprechaun" in my work ("Why I Do Believe In God"; "An Egocentrism That Insist On The Utter Renouncment Of Authority"). I've been tossing this one out with a blase and accustomed look on my face (so to speak) for over a year, and somebody finally got it: green and invisible are logically impossible, so an "invisible green" leprechaun cannot exist (unless, of course, I get sneaky about the definition of one or more words!).
"Positive Atheism" Magazine
Five years of service to
people with no reason to believe
Material by Cliff Walker (including unsigned editorial commentary) is copyright ©1995-2006 by Cliff Walker. Each submission is copyrighted by its writer, who retains control of the work except that by submitting it to Positive Atheism, permission has been granted to use the material or an edited version: (1) on the Positive Atheism web site; (2) in Positive Atheism Magazine; (3) in subsequent works controlled by Cliff Walker or Positive Atheism Magazine (including published or posted compilations). Excerpts not exceeding 500 words are allowed provided the proper copyright notice is affixed. Other use requires permission; Positive Atheism will work to protect the rights of all who submit their writings to us.