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Stealing! How could you? Haven't you learned anything from that guy who gives sermons at church? Captain what's-his-name?
Lisa, if the Bible has taught us nothing else -- and it hasn't -- it's that girls should stick to girl's sports, such as hot oil wrestling and foxy boxing and such and such.
You know, the one with all the well-meaning rules that don't work in real life -- uh, Christianity.
You're everywhere. You're omnivorous.
You make people miserable and there's nothing they can do about it, just like god.
No offence Apu, but when they were handing out religions, you musta been out taking a whizz.
Now son, you don't want to drink beer. That's for daddies, and kids with fake IDs.
Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen.
"Phfft! Facts. You can use them to prove anything.
Operator, give me the number for nine-one-one!
It's like David and Goliath, only this time David won!
Hey, just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand!
Marge, I'm going to miss you so much. And it's not just the sex. It's also the food preparation.
In this house, we obey the laws of thermodynamics!
You don't win friends with salad.
You can't keep blaming yourself. Just blame yourself once, and move on.
Trying is the first step towards failure.
You couldn't fool your mother on the foolingest day of your life if you had an electrified fooling machine.
Marge, don't discourage the boy! Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals! Except the weasel.
If you really want something in life you have to work for it. Now quiet, they're about to announce the lottery numbers.
To alcohol! The cause of -- and solution to -- all of life's problems!
I saw this in a movie about a bus that had to speed around a city, keeping its speed over 50, and if its speed changed, it would explode! I think it was called, "The Bus That Couldn't Slow Down."
I want to share something with you -- the three sentences that will get you through life. Number one, "Cover for me." Number two, "Oh, good idea, boss." Number three, "It was like that when I got here."
Marge, you're as pretty as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda.
Step aside everyone! Sensitive love letters are my speciality. "Dear Baby, Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: you."
Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose: it's how drunk you get!
They have the Internet on computers now?
Okay, brain. You don't like me, and I don't like you, but let's get through this thing and then I can continue killing you with beer.
Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.
Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like -- love!
Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that's even remotely true!
Do I know what rhetorical means?
Is there nothing doughnuts can't do?
Go ahead and play the blues if it'll make you happy.
Lisa, if you don't like your job you don't strike. You just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That's the American way.
We live in a society of laws. Why do you think I took you to all those Police Academy movies? For fun? Well, I didn't hear anybody laughin', did you?
Television -- teacher, mother, secret lover!
Maybe, just once, someone will call me "sir" without adding, "you're making a scene."
-- Superintendent Chalmers
Science is like a blabbermouth who ruins a movie by telling you how it
ends. There are some things we don't want to know. Important things.
Once something's been approved by the government, it's no longer immoral.
Don't let Krusty's death get you down, boy. People die all the time. Just like that. Why, you could wake up dead tomorrow. Well, good night.
The Subtle Fulmination of the Encircled Sea
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